Many of my dear friends (you) are asking questions about when the kids get to come home. First, I need to say we still do not know when it will be. Our prayer is soon...but that's as much as we know. Please pray for us to be content in God's perfect timing.
I would like to put a little disclaimer out there. When we bring our little ones home...we will have to say "no" a lot. It's somewhat unfortunate, but we need to expect our children to take up 100% of our time. We have 2 children here that will need to learn to accommodate, share their home and toys and their parents. We have 2 children that will be completely out of their comfort zone, new language, smells, culture. And all of us will be learning how to be a family!
This is all so exciting and scary and very unpredictable. We have decided to plan for hard circumstances. We are going to expect that our children will be overwhelmed. We expect bonding to take a long time, but we hope for the best.
Bonding: Our children need to learn that we are the parents. That we will meet their needs, be their comfort and most of all that we are here for good. They need to know that when we leave, we come back. We need to be the ones to hold them, "save" them when they get hurt, feed them when they are hungry, tuck them in and wake them up. We need to meet their needs and their wants. This is going to be very hard because we know that everyone wants to meet them. After all, you've prayed for them, sacrificed for them and waited just as long as we have!
We also know that many of you speak the love language of gift giving. We want you to know now how much we appreciate it. We know that you are showing love to us and our children, but we ask that you please check with us before you give them gifts. We will be able to decide if the time is ok or if that will send them over the edge that day. The "triggers" for our kids will be hard to understand for all of us, but we want to do our best to keep things calm. They need to get used to their new environment and part of that will be limiting the surprises, good and bad. Children that have been through deep trauma need a sense of control in these circumstances. We want them to feel safe and part of that will be knowing what to expect and what is expected from them. Please consider all these things when you are around them.
Along with this, we ask that when they do come home, that you please ask before you come over. Do not be offended if we say the time is just not right. There will be time, plenty of time, for you to get to know them. They aren't going anywhere! :) When you are around them, please remember to stay quiet and calm. They will get used to you, it's only a matter of time before you will gain their trust.
It's hard to write this, I know there's just a lot of rules! Here are some things that will be VERY helpful for when we are adjusting to being family (with 4 kids between 2 and 5!) So, if you would like to help here are some suggestions from other adoptive parents.
- Bring a meal or snacks. The more focused time we have with the children, the better! (Trying to figure out meals may be what puts me over the edge....haha!)
- Offer to run errands. We do not plan to take Crusoe and Isa out for quite a while. Just the grocery store will be so different than what they are used to. Can we say overwhelming????
-Offer to do the dishes or other household chores. Once again, we may find ourselves caught up in just snuggling and trying to gain the trust of our newest children. Or we may be reassuring Ava and Liam that they have not been replaced.
-Pray. Above all pray for us. Cover our mornings, afternoons, evenings and middle of the night scream fests in prayer. (OK, I may be expecting the worst, but it's worth it to me to be pleasantly surprised.!)
Thank you all so much for your prayers and support. This journey is far from over. We are blessed. So blessed. We pray that you are blessed for being on this journey with us.
I would like to put a little disclaimer out there. When we bring our little ones home...we will have to say "no" a lot. It's somewhat unfortunate, but we need to expect our children to take up 100% of our time. We have 2 children here that will need to learn to accommodate, share their home and toys and their parents. We have 2 children that will be completely out of their comfort zone, new language, smells, culture. And all of us will be learning how to be a family!
This is all so exciting and scary and very unpredictable. We have decided to plan for hard circumstances. We are going to expect that our children will be overwhelmed. We expect bonding to take a long time, but we hope for the best.
Bonding: Our children need to learn that we are the parents. That we will meet their needs, be their comfort and most of all that we are here for good. They need to know that when we leave, we come back. We need to be the ones to hold them, "save" them when they get hurt, feed them when they are hungry, tuck them in and wake them up. We need to meet their needs and their wants. This is going to be very hard because we know that everyone wants to meet them. After all, you've prayed for them, sacrificed for them and waited just as long as we have!
We also know that many of you speak the love language of gift giving. We want you to know now how much we appreciate it. We know that you are showing love to us and our children, but we ask that you please check with us before you give them gifts. We will be able to decide if the time is ok or if that will send them over the edge that day. The "triggers" for our kids will be hard to understand for all of us, but we want to do our best to keep things calm. They need to get used to their new environment and part of that will be limiting the surprises, good and bad. Children that have been through deep trauma need a sense of control in these circumstances. We want them to feel safe and part of that will be knowing what to expect and what is expected from them. Please consider all these things when you are around them.
Along with this, we ask that when they do come home, that you please ask before you come over. Do not be offended if we say the time is just not right. There will be time, plenty of time, for you to get to know them. They aren't going anywhere! :) When you are around them, please remember to stay quiet and calm. They will get used to you, it's only a matter of time before you will gain their trust.
It's hard to write this, I know there's just a lot of rules! Here are some things that will be VERY helpful for when we are adjusting to being family (with 4 kids between 2 and 5!) So, if you would like to help here are some suggestions from other adoptive parents.
- Bring a meal or snacks. The more focused time we have with the children, the better! (Trying to figure out meals may be what puts me over the edge....haha!)
- Offer to run errands. We do not plan to take Crusoe and Isa out for quite a while. Just the grocery store will be so different than what they are used to. Can we say overwhelming????
-Offer to do the dishes or other household chores. Once again, we may find ourselves caught up in just snuggling and trying to gain the trust of our newest children. Or we may be reassuring Ava and Liam that they have not been replaced.
-Pray. Above all pray for us. Cover our mornings, afternoons, evenings and middle of the night scream fests in prayer. (OK, I may be expecting the worst, but it's worth it to me to be pleasantly surprised.!)
Thank you all so much for your prayers and support. This journey is far from over. We are blessed. So blessed. We pray that you are blessed for being on this journey with us.