he never left me // heavenmeetsearthproject // guest post

I'm sure you've been wondering...so have I...when this whole project would surface again. I must apologize because I got a little lost inside my life. And it's no excuse, really. I have some really awesome submissions and even more amazing people that are waiting on me. And God is going to use them in this very big, very wonderful way. A way that shows grace and mercy and love to those of us (ahem, me) that really just don't deserve it. Thank you for being so patient, #heavenmeetsearth people. I will be telling more of my story as the days progress. But for now, please meet my friend, Katie. She's a dear. This submission I've heard from her own mouth, through her own tears, with my own ears. This story will resonate deep with some of you. Others may find it encouraging, but possibly distant. Because, let's be honest. How often do we see drug addict recover? When was the last time you saw someone change their life so drastically only to relaspe a few months later? She left that life, never to look back. But it's not of her own strength, and she will tell you, it is only through the strength that Jesus is. Because through our weakness, HE is strong. Maybe Jesus be glorified throught this redemption story. May you find hope in this place today. - Tiffany

 

Let me introduce our next #heavenmeetsearth guest poster gal,  Katie. 

 

 

     Years ago in my teenage years, I became addicted to drugs. Especially crack.  So many things lead to me turning to drugs. Life hurt so badly. It hurt to think. It hurt to breath. It hurt to just live.

 

     I was living on my own by my junior year in high school and ended up in an physical abusive relationship. I felt like I didn’t have a place to go to and be saved from abuse, so I starting doing drugs. I became so addicted to crack that I began to trade or sell things to get crack, including pets. I even broke into a house.

 

    I couldn’t afford food because I lost my job and saved all my money for drugs. I went to the Salvation Army every Tuesday to get two packs of free bagels. Those were my only meals till the next Tuesday. I weighed only about 90 lbs. and started not to care about my appearance.

 

     After months of doing crack as well as LSD, marijuana, and cocaine, I was hoping that I would just wake up and be dead. I almost got my wish on a three occasions.

 

     One night I drank almost a whole bottle of liquor in about 30 minutes. I did it purposely. I immediately started vomiting. I was lying outside in the grass staring at the night skies. I remember crying and sobbing. I looked up and yelled, “why!” After I wanted an answer to why the pain, I yelled once more to the sky, “Why can’t somebody just love me!” I just wanted to be loved. I lost all consciousness after that.

 

     I vomited for several days after that. And for those days, I had no water or food. I had severe alcohol poisoning with no medical treatment. I still kept hoping that I’d wake up dead.

 

     A couple of weeks after that, I started thinking of ways out. I thought of suicide throughout the day. Daydreaming of ways to die. I wanted out from the pain. Also during this time, I stared talking out loud to myself saying, “Help me” but I didn’t know whom I was talking to.

 

     On another night, I smoked a whole joint full of crack to myself. I believe it was even laced with cocaine.  After a while, I started to feel   

 

very numb in the face. My body was beginning to shake and my heart beating fast. I also noticed that my vision was beginning to flicker white. Hours later my symptoms were beginning to worsen. I felt as though my heart was going to beat out of my chest and I was shaking uncontrollably. 

 

     At that moment, I realized I was dying. I realized I was overdosing.  I stood up with a loss of balance. I found my stumbling body up against a wall. My body slid down from the wall and I sat in a corner of my bedroom. My vision finally completely disappeared and my heart was pounding terribly hard. I was, dying and I knew it. 

 

     Instead of being glad that my wish came true, I was afraid to die. I was beginning to take back all that I thought. And I remember thinking, is it to late? All of a sudden I said out loud, “ I don’t want to die because I don’t know who I am. God if you are real, please let me live. I promise I will live my life for you.” After that, I lost all consciousness.

 

     I woke up alive. I left with the clothes on my back. I quit drugs cold turkey and I never had a single withdraw. But even though I quit drugs, problems still followed me.  I was blamed for stealing crack. Somebody from the drug neighborhood was trying to find me so they could murder me. They almost succeeded. They found my temporary home. When I was not home, they busted the windows and front door. There was blood on my porch as a warning. I had to clear my name before I was cleared from this earth.

 

     What I did learn was that I was worth saving, no matter what I did. I learned that when I was crying out “why can’t somebody love me”, Jesus was saying, “I love you”

 

     When I was saying, “Somebody help me”, “Jesus was saying, “ I am here to lift you.”

 

      You see, after I did drugs, I lost some of my intellectual memory. When I was 18 years old I had to purchase 3rd grade phonics and math books. My education level was equivalent to a 3rd grader. 

 

     Now, I am publishing a book about my life and I homeschool my children. But I would not be able to achieve any of this without Jesus Christ.  

 

     I used to think that only perfect people believed in Jesus. It used to sound bogus that Jesus was the sent from God to save people. But the truth is, He does save. 

 

     Jesus saves us by showing us how to think. He saves our state of minds so we can live life in hope and love. He takes our tormenting thoughts that torture us and turns our thoughts into, “I can.”

 

     I was saved by Jesus. I survived alcohol poisoning, drug overdose, and murder. Those are obvious ones, but Jesus also saved my screaming mind, my over burdened heart, and He saved my identity. I no longer felt like a monster, but instead Jesus saved my purpose and gave me a reason to live again. Jesus can and absolutely will do the same to anybody who’s asks Him because Jesus never leaves us. He never left me.

 

Katie and her husband are raising four beautiful children. She is pursuing her passions of living simply and resting in Christ. 

Katie and her husband are raising four beautiful children. She is pursuing her passions of living simply and resting in Christ.