When We Choose Despair

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When we choose despair. 

We curl up in a ball. We don't get out of bed. We lose hope. Or feel hopeless. 

We quit eating. We shut people out. We stop. Stop talking. Stop communicating with our Lord. 

And we tell everyone that are fine. 

How are you? 

I'm fine. How are you?


Oh but God doesn't buy it. That fine business. 

And when we are really fine, we admit that we are not. 

And when we are really choosing hope, we admit that it is hard.

And when we are really fighting for life, we admit that we don't know how.

And when we are really pursuing answers, we admit that we are struggling. 

And we cry out. As Job cries out. And we tell the Lord how it feels. And we do not tell Him we are fine, when we are not fine. We do not thank Him for these things when our hearts are not in that place. 

When we are in the valley, it does not surprise Him. When it feels as though He is hiding His face from us, He knows that feeling. When we feel forsaken, He understands. 

And He longs for us. To be near Him. To come to Him. To cry our hearts out for Him and to Him alone. 

We do not have to explain our heart cries to the ones around us when our heart cries are for Him alone. When our hearts and minds and souls beg for answers from the Almighty but it feels as though He is not answering. 

Tell Him so. 

Tell Him how you feel, with all the emotions and feelings and words you can bare. 

He can and He will take it.

And He will say, "my child. I AM." 

And "you are. You are BELOVED."

And no matter the pain and suffering and lostness and mess you feel and made. It all just trickles into view and fades away. Because God puts it all into place.Because Jesus came to die and conquer death and wipe it all away.

Although it may not feel like it now, I know it will then. When we come face to face. When I meet my Creator and feel His embrace.

It will then. It will all be so small, this earthly pain. And I will no longer wonder or question or feel these grievous things.

And neither will you. Because the glory ahead outweighs any pain and suffering we endure. The beauty ahead shadows the ugliness here. The Lord. I AM.

And the light will shine in all the darkness. And this whole thing, will be but a memory.

In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.  Job 12:10

And there will be a day when it's me before God. And you before God. And in our suffering, it is this. 

When all we have left is this. Just Jesus. And all the things and opinions and suggestions and words hold no more meaning. Because it's just this. All earthly things fade away. 

What do we have left? 

Just Jesus. 

When we despair?

God knows. 

And we admit it to Him, just as Job does in chapters 13 and 14. 

And He leads us back to the cross. To Himself. He answers our cries, even when it feels as though He doesn't. He does because we have truth. We have the Bible. We may not hear an audible voice, but we have His words written down for us. 

It's okay to cry out to Him, to be angry, to wonder and be scared.

But we do not stay there. 

We go to Him. The Author of our story. The Perfector of our faith. The Creator of our lives. The Bringer of hope. 

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