My grief has led to a lot of fear and anxious thoughts. I’ll be sharing more of that in my new book (stay tuned, still writing…) but today I’d like to share with you a few ways I’ve learned to fight fear and worry.
It could be a birthday party or a night with grandparents. It could be a space heater, a pool, a fire pit, getting lost or even hot dogs and popcorn. I could literally tell you all the ways I have envisioned a child dying without me there. Dark, isn’t it? How could I be so…morbid?
First of all, the fear genes run deep in my family. I’m not even sure there is a “fear” gene or a “worry” gene, but if there is, we have extra. Maybe I come from a long line of sixes on the enneagram. Maybe we should have invested in more counseling. Maybe fear and worry stem from life experiences. Maybe we have such a predisposition to worry that it can be triggered from watching the news or reading stories. It is possible that we are also very creative people and all should have been writers, creating extravagant, yet fictional, stories ending in doom. Whatever the cause, my ugly, evil dragon of fear and worry is fed by grief.
I once held in my deep subconscious a bit of a “that can’t happen to me” attitude pertaining to the loss of a child. Of course, that was stripped away before I had even dug it out of the deep. After so many losses (miscarriage and our sweet Thao), I had none of that left. In fact, I went the other way. Everytime I drop a child off somewhere, despite fully trusting the person I leave them with, I fight the demons of the unknown.
I think because even Jeff and I, as parents, who love their child more than our own lives, couldn’t save him, who could possibly save the others? Accidents happen. Tragedies strike. Allergic reactions. Choking. Bad things happen to good people. (And bad people). All the time. We are not safe.
Of course this is the point where I quote one of my favorites, CS Lewis in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe: “Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said antying a out safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
We are not safe. The Lord doesn’t promise to keep us safe here on earth. (John 16:33) He promises a different kind of safety. He promises that nothing we go through here compares to the eternal glory we have waiting for us. (2 Corinthians 4:17) Whatever deep sorrow and sadness and darkness we endure, just wait. The King is coming. (Revelation 21:5)
This brings me to the reason I’m writing. We can fight the fear and worry. We can hold on to hope. Although our strength may fail and our weakness overpowers our faith sometimes, we can persevere through Christ.
This is how I fight the fear and worry.
Cling to truth.
Cling to truth like suran wrap. Actually, scratch that. Mine never stays. Cling to truth like my toddler clings to me when I try to leave him in the nursery. That’s strong. So what if the world runs out of toilet paper? According to wikipedia, toilet paper was invented in 1857. People survived a long time without it. And they didn’t even have hand sanitizer. Just sayin’, if push comes to shove, tear up an old sheet and do it like the hippies do, wash and recycle.
The bigger problem isn’t toilet paper or lack of supplies. The bigger problem is lack of trust. Why do we fear? We aren’t trusting in our King. God is still on his throne. We feel like for some reason, this crisis rests on our shoulders. Let’s cling to truth here.
Truth. God is not shocked off the throne. While I cannot promise you all earthly comforts and even needs will be met, I can promise you that if you lean into his promises, you will have a peace that surpasses all earthly understanding. We fight fear with truth from God’s word. But we cannot possibly do this unless we are reading God’s word. I don’t care if you pick up a Bible or your phone and use the app or google a verse, just do it. Pick one and write it down. Hang it up, put it in your pocket, write it on your hand (but hopefully that will get washed off, so maybe try your arm).
Fill your head with spiritual truth to fight the spiritual battle of fear and worry. Things might not work out, but he is good. And, lovers of Jesus, if our earthly bodies fail us, our souls rejoice in glory with our Creator.
If the Lord sustains us here or calls us home, we win. I’m not saying this is the end. I’m saying we should live with open eyes, not blind to the fact that this world is not safe, but not obsessed with the reality of that fact.
Acknowledge the issues at hand, world wide pandemic or family crisis or the you chose the wrong sippy cup for the toddler and you are trying to get out the door. Take a breath. Speak truth. Fill our minds with scripture. Use wisdom in making decisons. Feeling sick? Stay home during a pandemic. Buy the groceries. Feed the hungry. Trust the Lord.
We wouldn’t go to a physical battle empty handed. Let’s not fight fear and worry empty handed either.
Take a deep breath and do something normal.
Make your bed. Do the dishes. Play a game. Read a book. Snuggle with your kids. Eat dinner around the table. When the world feels like it’s spinning out of control. Do something that you have control over. Making my bed helps me to feel prepared for the day. Whatever that is, pause from the worries, put down the phone, turn off the news and do that thing.
Exercise.
I’ll be honest, I’m not great with this. I feel it’s a privalege rather than a right. But I need this. Every day I try to either take a walk or do yoga. The quiet helps me to refocus. I have time and space to think. I get a chance to reset My mind is clearer and I can better evaluate the situation. Is this really something to worry over? Is it out of my control anyway? I also find this a good time to talk to God.
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7
Let your reasonablesness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. Psalms 56:3
fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphoold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you-you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘ What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all thse things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be give to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:25-34